"I don't know if I will ever leave K-12," I said.

I was working towards my doctorate--a degree that could open up new possibilities.

Yet, I was not sure that I would ever want to switch to higher education. I could see myself staying in my 6th-8th grade classroom teaching reading and writing in English and Spanish for the rest of my career. I didn't mind it if my doctorate did not result in a pivot. It was more about the love of learning and on-going growth.

My doctoral advisor talked about an increase in impact if I were to switch--from the students in front of me to students in front of me and all their students.

My K-12 dual language dream job or teacher education back at my alma mater in the same county as my parents and my husband's siblings.

I could see the beauty in both--excitement and ache with either path.

I prayed that whatever was meant to work out would. I took steps to apply for a position that resulted in a shift. Together with my husband and girls, we took a leap.

Five years later, I perceived an invitation to make another shift--this time from my secular career in education to a Catholic faith formation context. I had been working as a DRE/Youth Minister for my parish alongside my full time career in teacher education. When I was pregnant with my 5th, it no longer seemed sustainable to do both.

It was the year that I was up for tenure, and I had an image that I was going to receive the extra stability that tenure offers but then like sand slipping through my fingers, I was meant to offer that stability back.

Would you be willing? I perceived.

Patterns have a way of prompting us to let our guards down. When current experiences hold echoes of the past, it can give us courage to step forward with confidence. We can recognize our fears and anxieties but then remind ourselves of how the scenario works. Only, that makes it all the more crushing when it doesn't actually unfold as anticipated.

Sometimes the Lord helps us to develop trust through patterns--opportunities to navigate with greater ease through growth each time. Yet, other times, he scaffolds our growth through allowing us to trust through surprises.

In the moment we can be caught off guard and grieve the difference between how we predicted our paths were going to unfold vs. the reality. Through the challenge, we have the opportunity to respond to the invitation to say we trust even as our hearts are breaking. We have the chance to affirm our yes to God's plans for our lives even when we do not understand.

With time, we see glimpses into the blessings of what is within the different circumstances of our lives. With this particular tension, I now have abundant evidence as to why staying in my career in education has been a great gift.

Reflection Prompts:

1. What are examples from your life where you developed trust based on patterns--where you drew upon previous experiences to help you have confidence that everything would be ok with your current context?

2. What are examples from your life where you had to navigate the challenge of realizing a perceived pattern was actually a false sense of security? How did you respond when circumstances did not unfold as anticipated and you instead experienced a surprise? How did you navigate the heartbreak and process through the grieving in the gap between what was and what could have been?

3. With the passage of time, how has your perspective been adjusted in order to better see the bigger picture of God's hand in your life? How has the combination of both patterns and surprises helped you to develop confidence?

4. When it comes to navigating patterns and surprises, how would you like the Lord to strengthen you?